Pink isn't the only Cancer

     When you are young and growing up with your parents your whole life is ahead of you. There are so many things you would like to try and do and the future is yours. Everything is new and exciting. Life is good.

You are immortal

     As a child when your grandparents pass it hurts but you still have your parents and older siblings far ahead of you. There is still so much you can do and the future is yours. 

Life is good.

You are immortal

     Then your parents pass and finality is more real. You realize that life has an ending but you still have your older siblings ahead of you. With your parents gone you feel their loss but your memories are keeping them alive in spirit. As time passes you return to working on your life.    Life is still good.

You are immortal

     Finally when your older siblings pass you come to the realization that you are the next in line. 

The reality of this loss becomes a weight that places a simple, frightening, reality in your mind. Life is still good but has an end.

You are not immortal

     Often this is when many families get together with you at Christmas, holidays and birthdays thinking it might be the last time they spend with you. These times become bitter sweet.

 With the reality of your losses putting you next you become aware of your life’s future being limited. Family and friends become more precious to you.  

Even with good health and vigor you recognize that you are merely mortal.

     Many will think of the person having chemotherapy, wasting away to a shell of their former selves, in pain,and then passing away in a hospital.

     While that might be true in some, few, cases the vast majority of those with Cancer are not affected that way. Some time not for a long time and others possibly never: passing from normal causes like heart attack or other age related causes. Die with Cancer not of Cancer.

     It needs to be recognized that Cancer can be cured. Not in every case but very often. Additionally Cancer can be held at bay by treatments or medications; for years or even decades.

     However, that’s not what the title is asking!

     The Question is What does Cancer do to the person mentally and emotionally?  

     Before going further I am not in this writing going to cover what the Caregiver/Support Person is going through. Not a frame of mind I have experienced. Cancer? Yes!  Twice in fact.

     First I need to point out the common: why me? Am I going to die? Can I be cured? These are all covered in others of my writings.

     Mentally Cancer shortens your perspective on things. Planning comes in shorter time frames. This continues but lengthens as time goes on. But often you change in subtle ways that too many might appear selfish or focusing on yourself. Yes the anxiety is there, especially after blood tests,scans, or before doctor exams. Yes too if you have a new pain or recurring one of the same type that started your Cancer diagnosis. New medicine starts the process all over again.

     Emotionally you might become more sensitive or even become antsy. Things that didn’t bother you before diagnosis begin to bother you. What bothered you a little might now bother you more or possibly not at all. Some become moody, others lean towards not showing emotions at all. One person I met admitted to not tolerating bad drivers and began yelling at them.

     What those around you might say they see is you being more me centered or even selfish. This could be a manifestation of focusing on yourself. Your personality is replaced by a Me oriented one.

     All medications and treatments have side effects therefore I will only say that some might cause changes in your moods and emotions. Ask your Pharmacist for the listing of side effects and the percentage of occurrences. Knowing the % of patients that reported the effect will help you understand the possibility better.

     Please let me know of your experience with Cancer. We are all unique and respond differently.

Wonderful summer to date. Weather up down temperature wise and very little rain. The only negative is the rain is so slight that crops could be effected.

I have interacted with many and some of those are ok with their state of being quality wise. In fact most are but with the qualifier about costs.

First need to point out that I am NOT going to comment on politics in any way. I cannot influence any of that therefore am just a wood chip in the ocean of goings on.

Frustration brings on worry and both have a negative effect on our lives.

Please do not think I am saying don’t be frustrated or worry. Just do not let those emotions bleed into your life to the level that negativity changes you.

When you drive a vehicle that gets 20 mpg and fuel costs close to $5.00 a gallon of course that $65 fill up bothers you. Diesel? Large tank? Like a bomb going off on your budget.

We cannot change costs no matter what we do. we can only change what we do and how we feel.

So, what am I trying to tell you? As they say in Jamaica – “Don’t worry, be happy“? Good grief NO! I am saying adapt, plan better, coordinate with friends and neighbors.

Work together to keep going on. Maybe do less or do differently.

BUT!

Live life, live your Life (only one you have) and you will be able to direct your path in a more positive way.

     It is a wonder of my mind that gives me pause at 4:36 am on a Tuesday morning. 

          Thoughts on the past? No!  

          Thoughts on the present? Some.

          Thoughts of the future?  Again some.

          Thoughts on life? You choose!

     As to the present much is going on around us. Globally there is aggression in Europe. In our northern neighbor country there are reactions to aggression that are both supported and opposed.

The same can be said for our country.

     Future events can be extended, imagined, or extrapolated.  All might seem possible, some horrifying, and some unimaginable. Others still can be wonderful.

     The way we, individuals, think is affected by all the above as we allow. Many will be aware of how they are affected and others will not know.

     Now, add in the personal influences. Family, friends, neighbors for the most part influence us in forming our attitudes.  

     Family from a young age up to adulthood, whatever age that might be, provides mold in our psyche and that influences our life actions & reactions. Sometimes in ways we just cannot fathom or recognize.

    Friends because often we don’t choose them, they seem to just happen.  The best friends are those that no matter how long it has been since last contact you just pick up as if it was just yesterday. 

    Neighbors fit into three types: 

Good/great ones are those that move into friends. 

Unknown ones that rarely are seen or heard.

Unfriendly/nasty ones that make sharing a property line unpleasant at best.

In each type they can have well maintained property or be much less so. That part isn’t usually an issue.

    Be they Family, friends, or neighbors all have some part in rendering our outlook on being. This influence can affect our attitudes, our ways of interacting, and our health.

    Most of us in an unconscious way take on the attitude of all those around us. For example when you speak with an angry unhappy person that puts you in a similar way.  Maybe a little or alot. Hopefully you recognize that and stop that from happening.  The best thing is to work to be happy and positive to help them. They need to be ready for that however.

     Now for the hard part.  We all have choices, decisions, directions we need to take. The choices are influence by Family, friends, neighbors but we can choose who of those fit the poitive/good person we want to be.

Or, we can choose to be a Positive influence in their lives.

What do you remember? Important things? Odd things? History? Family? Friends?

We each have our select memories of our lives. Life events from early on until today most often. History we might remember some events but rarely facts leading up to those events. Traumatic times in our lives usually are burned into our memories deeply.

The latter might be recent, Russia attacking Ukraine, inflated gas prices, or for us older folk the landing on the moon, possibly the Kennedy assignation.

Life events can include traumatic events. The passing of a loved one, parents, wife, husband, or sibling. With time the memory of these lessens in effect but rarely in the emotion of that time. We never really forget these events. Never.

As we age older memories fade and vanish. Like childhood life and times. Some medical treatments have that effect also. Cancer and the treatments, medicines and time i general erase memories that don’t fit the traumatic. How our memory works is not under our control.

Memories are important. Its who we are and how we react. I suggest that it would be good to write down what you now feel is important for your grandchildren to know about you and your past. Things you might not have told your children too.

To not remember the past is to relive it in the future.

I choose to be positive in my living life. Not always easy however.

There are times, like when waiting for my blood test results, that I an tense and “off” a bit. My wife notices it and herself might be the same. But all thru it still positive.

Must confess that I see the world around me in a way different light than before this second diagnosis of Cancer. Like all of us with this disease I didn’t expect it. Given my second Cancer I thought I knew what to expect. Boy was I off.

There are options, many, many more options. Almost too many. But there are only three paths. Each with their own options. Surgery. Radiation. Do nothing.

For this post I will not go into details but will gladly say that in the first options all the doctors & staff were kind, emphatic, and positive.

The thing that tests me is the unknown. Unknown of the ongoing world activities. Unknown of how all the goings on will effect me now and in the future.

Thru all this I have one set of constants: Love of my wife, love of family, and love of Life. Cherish life and Live it with a Positive attitude!

OK so some might simply say HUH? Are not they the same thing?

Well, NO they are not!

Life is the heart beating and supporting, hopefully, the ability to interact with those around us. Unfortunately not always the case however.

You can have life and you can have a life but there is so much more than that.

Living includes life yes. But Living includes a willingness to involve not just interact.

To be Living the interaction needs to be willful not reactive. Living with involvement covers a choice to b a part of others lives, joining in activities, family, friends, and on occasion strangers.

Intended actions, chosen activities, reading, learning, teaching are examples of Living.

So, even with a life changing condition, Cancer, get out there and continue Living!

Pretty sure some of this is a remind or restating but here goes. Feb 2021 I somehow broke my right knee cap. Well just this past Thursday my ortho had xrays taken that showed it finally is healing fully. His wonderful NP gave me the news. She was quick to say she had good news.

On another note my Prostate Cancers marker, psa level, is so low as to b non-detectable by the lab. Of course my testosterone that feed my Cancer is also that low too. Fully intentional because of my medicines.

So even though my energy level stinks I am doing well and quite Happy.

Remember that your attitude makes all the difference in your life. So a positive attitude makes life better and the treatments work better too.

Like I used to tell my students “If you think you can or think you can’t; You are right”.

This is a heart felt confession.

Ok, so I am a true optimist. Publicly and mostly privately.

But I need to tell that my life partner wife sees the mood swings that are a side effect of several of my medicines and my Cancer medications. Zero testosterone hits me like menopause does women.

Then add my recent medication, working so far, that I take 2 pills am then again pm with the same side effect and I do kind of loose it at times.

I try to overcome all this but then add in my back arthritis getting bad with the weather and all my focus is to just get by sometimes.

All meds have the effect of low energy & tiredness so it definitely takes effort to get to the gym. My goal is 5 days with some days twice. Might only be 10-15 min but gets me moving.

Side comment:. Often when I mention my 6+ yr bout with Cancer the comment is made “You don’t look like you have cancer.”. Really? Suggestions on a come back other than thanks?

Seems that most of us settled in on the Covid rules. Rare to see one objecting.

Masks were our normal. Social Distancing was our normal. Fewer patients in doctor waiting room normal (Still).

On the plus side there are no way out of date magazines in the waiting rooms. But no magazines at all is not good. That is our normal.

We were able sit in restaurants with out masks when seated. Tables separated the Social Distance. Wait staff masked or shielded correctly.

My thought is that after hearing the reason for our masks, distancing, fewer people, etc we understood and worked with our new normal.

Our lives were the same individually and with those we live with. The same could be said about our daily interactions and work.

This second year of this pandemic we are looser on the rules but there are places that have returned to last years normal and even more places are considering it. All because there is a new variant or more that need to be taken seriously.

All we can do is be Safe and Healthy.