Each and every one of us, when we first hear the words “You have Cancer” go into a place that is lonely and can never be truly explained. Those of us that have been told that rarely if ever talk about it.
Oh sure some open up some to our love partners. Wives, husbands, significant others.
Even with those we love by our side it is scary to dig deep and share. Partly because of the fear of bearing the pain of our fears and partly because of not wanting to scare our loved ones. Maybe for fear that they won’t be able to bear our pain or hurt them.
Grappling with our own thoughts is hard even if we don’t recognize how hard it is.
The first time I was told “You have Cancer” it was with the young man’s Cancer at the age of 27. Double hit actually.
Testicular Cancer and in the midst of starting my civilian life, finishing college, and getting ready to marry. Double hits because of the sexual change of my life and the actual Cancer diagnosis changes your view of the future.
Both were going to change many things in my life and I ignored some. Young and invincible was the reason I chose to ignore.
Then two years later my mother was given the Cancer diagnosis and then passed after a hard and destructive time with this disease. Ugly would describe it accurately.
Fast forward 40 years to my second hearing the words “You have Cancer” and my life didn’t stop or hit me as hard. Yes on the usual “Oh Crap” and thoughts of what next but seemed like “Here we go again”. Unexpected, unknown, and familiar at the same time.
However even this time I didn’t open up on my deepest innermost thoughts. Reflection on one’s mortality, Death Salience, is not a comfortable thought process.
I did try to express my thoughts and fears by putting them to print and publishing them. Helped me but still did not reach the fullness of my thoughts. Even now I cannot express these thoughts. Scary thoughts are not comfortable or easy.
So what do we need? Support! Support from Doctors, all other medical professionals, friends, and family. Family the most.
Our doctors can support in many ways other than just treatments. The same goes for Nurse Practitioners, Physician Assistants, nurses, and technicians. All staff try to support but many Cancer patients ignore this. They just need to recognize it is needed, ask for it and let it happen.
One big way to support is to listen, quietly listen. Quietly because it gives the Cancer patient space to fill in the silence.
We Cancer patients are simple beings but inside are very complex. Even another Cancer Patient cannot understand fully another’s innermost thoughts. It is an individual’s struggle.
One thing that makes it all easier is to have Family and Friends for support.
Friends offer support often by checking in, asking and listening.
Some, never ask, never show signs of interest, caring or concern. Maybe out of their own fear. Maybe because of not knowing what to say. Possibly because they find it easier to ignore and it will go away..
To the Cancer patient it simply feels like not caring.
That is isolation of a different type than that of being all alone. This isolation is when surrounded by loved ones, friends, neighbors, and many others.
But there some points to make and this first has been told to me:
¨Get over it; you can’t change it¨
My take is:
Sometimes positive attitudes are founded in negative surroundings.
We can grow because of the hurting.
Pink isn't the only Cancer 