Pink isn't the only Cancer

In many peoples mind the color they think of when they hear the word Cancer is Pink. All well and good as that color is plastered all over in October, earlier even. Coats, hats, ribbons, shirts, cups, posters, flags, and underwear too. As to the latter check out this Ted Talk. She is amazing and interjects humor to make her points. https://www.ted.com/talks/debra_jarvis_yes_i_survived_cancer_but_that_doesn_t_define_me?language=en

But that was not even in my mind when I choose the title for my book.

The statistics in comparing Breast Cancer (Pink) with Prostate Cancer (Light Blue) are quite similar.

Both Cancers are the second most common for each gender when it comes to deaths. Lung cancer is first.

For men the following is noted by https://www.everydayhealth.com/mens-health/most-common-cancers-in-men.aspx

As being “Prostate cancer is the No. 1 cancer risk for men, as well as the No. 2 cancer killer (behind lung cancer). “

As noted in my first graphic the average age for women’s breast cancer is 61 compared to prostate Cancer being 66. But there are many other direct similarities not captured in most publications directly. And this will be my reasoning for the book title.

Women that are diagnosed with Breast Cancer are often hit with removal of their breast. Their breasts are an important part of the woman’s being. They are deeply part of their sexuality, feelings of desirability, and ability to be loved in many cases.

Removal of one or in some case both cause changes in self awareness far beyond that of having Cancer alone does. It changes who you are. Reconstruction replace what was physically lost but maybe not the same. But the change in the id remains. Some self doubt maybe? Some, possibly many, overcome this and become a renewed woman.

I need to be blunt but say this a woman’s breast is visual for her in all states of dress and for the rest of us only when dressed. But the woman knows even if we don’t. In the Ted Talk Debra Jarvas handles it in her unique way.

Now compare to Prostate Cancer. Men do not looses any visual sign of cancer. No loss of an important part of their being and no reconstruction to facilitate who they are.

Not in any way you might expect. At least not in the same way.

The prostate is kind of a sex organ in many ways. Sperm passes through it and picks up extra fluids to create Semen to ejaculate. Urine also passes through it but not normally at the same time. Additionally it is very important to understand that the nerve that carries the impulse for erections passes very close to the prostate, extremely close, like right next to it. And nerves are very tender and can be damaged. Renewal of nerves is not easy or quick if possible thing at all when damaged.

The treatments for Prostate Cancer can be Surgery to remove the Prostate, radiation, heat, cold, or chemical. Possibly some combination of these. This excludes the very personal patient choice of no treatments of any kind. So lets go from initial diagnosis and the progression as I know it.

The patient will meet with doctors to discuss the options that they represent. Each will tell you what they do and can do for you specifically. They should list the expects result of their actions including the negatives. While all men, and their partners want just the positive it is very important to hear the negatives and fully understand the negatives.

For the comparison with Breast Cancer and its physiological and emotional effect on the woman it is necessary to understand the above mentioned negatives related to Prostate Cancer treatments.

Let me back up some and mention that when discussing treatment options there will be the a prescription of some testosterone reducing medication(s). These medicines are chosen to reduce the food that energizes Prostate Cancer, testosterone. The goal of these medicines is to drop the man’s testosterone to nearly zero. There might be one medicine that inhibits the ability of the Cancer to accept the testosterone also.

The medicines are important for the obvious reason, starve the Prostate Cancer and if nothing else it is weak and sensitive to the treatments. This helps the treatment work more effectively.

Now back to the treatments. Each can bother or damage the important nerve. This means weak or no erections. The medicines also impact erections. Low or No testosterone reduces the urge or interest in sex and coupled with a damaged nerve just is damaging to a man’s ego and self worth.

Much as a woman’s body is critical to her self worth and image a man’s erection and interest in sex is just as deep an emotional concern.

This is very much the same result that a woman goes through with her treatments. But the significance differences are that none are visible in public, noticeable in any way even in private while undressed. Even the scars from surgery are small in comparison.

But the emotional effects are just as deep and sorry to say but for the stoic, quietly suffering man possibly deeper. Self inflicted pain because men share less than women.

I am not in any way saying that the effect of Breast Cancer is less that the effect of Prostate Cancer. In fact I strongly believe that it is more but that the effect of Prostate Cancer is very much parallel in nature and given the sexual ramification effects both the man and his partner directly.

Every month my mind wanders to anxiety over my Blood Tests before my Oncology exam and ADT shot.

For anyone with anxiety or worries please understand that incurable Cancer is like a a Damoclean Sword over your head. I usually don’t let on how this effects the Cancer patient because I am at peace with my condition.

There are many treatment options and each helps extend life.All that said for the few hours after the blood draw I steel myself for a number rise that might lead to a new treatment or more sensitive tests. Then when the results are not bad or in recent times good the weight is lifted.

Want to let those interested that my psa test last week was down from the 0.06 a month ago. Recently was 0.04! Lowest ever yet again.

My thanks to God, my medical team, the treatments I have been through and presently am going through and my Doctor’s specifically.

My Primary Care doc is the one that ordered the tests that started me on this road six years ago and she is amazing. I owe her my life.All men need to have a PSA blood test. Painless blood draw. If your doctor says it needs to be followed up on then do it!

For more PM me.

Remember: It is not Fate that chooses our attitude: We alone make that choice.

     Lots of area to cover in this title, right? Well I will attempt to cover how the title fits a Cancer patient.

     We all can understand the Scared part. When you hear the words You have Cancer the first thought is dying. And we all know of someone that passed horribly from Cancer. My mother had a horrible couple of years being destroyed by Cancer. The thought of that definitely scares me.

     Additionally I have witnessed others slide downward into death. One from denial of Cancer, another after turning down treatments due to side effects. In both these situations the individual had their reasons for that choice. Both choices are the effect of being Scared.

     Scared of the unknown, the negative of the word Cancer, leads a mind down a hell hole of possibilities – none of which end positively.

     Hate is often confused with Anger. Both are strong emotions and both hurt mentally and emotionally. I choose to use Hate as it is easily displayed with our body language and words. Hate is an example of a distortion of both anger and fear.

     Hate comes as part of Scared and is the why me/what did I do that many go through. We hate the Cancer and maybe ourselves for whatever we might have done to get Cancer. We all have some measure of Hate for our Cancer but while some move on many others get stuck on this. 

     Accept comes when we admit that Cancer is part of us and that being Scared and full of Hate does not support our life. Plus it helps the healing process or at least the medical process. My personal experience with Cancer is knowing from the start that it was not curable but very treatable. What this means is my Cancer can be controlled but not eradicated. Treatments are available for all the stages past the IIc I am at.

     Forgive comes after acceptance because when you accept where you are you can Forgive yourself for having Cancer. Why Forgive? Well doing this eases your burden and energy related to being Scared and Hate. Those two suck the energy out of life that can be directed to living. And isn’t the whole point of life being able to live it with family and friends?  Yes it is so the more energy you can put into living the better your life will be.

     Embrace is the goal.  Embrace living, family, friends, and others. One way to live the most you can is to supply as much energy as you can. Energy put into being Scared or Hate takes away from living and therefore hurts living. With Cancer you only have so much energy. Apply it where it does the best for you.

     Lets face this fact: the medical profession becomes family. You will see them, lots of them maybe, often, get checkups, tests, and treatments. Getting to know your Doctors, Nurse Practitioners, Physician Assistants, Nurses, and technicials helps you focus your energy on living. They are people with lives and if you ask them about their outside life most likely they will talk with you like a friend. And you want them as a friend. Treatments will not be better or offered differently. As a professional they do their best for the Scared, Hating, angry crabs, and the positive interactive patients. But their work lives are easier with the last than the rest I just noted.

     What positive interaction does is smooth the medical process not the process itself. Think about your work. We all have the crap, pain coworker. You avoid them but if you have to work with them you always do the best you can. Failing to do so will get you in trouble.

     We all tend to gravitate to the happy positive workers. Unless you are the Crab. 

     Yes Cancer does Suck and we all at some point have to deal with it. A few of us have had two different Cancers, in my case 40 years apart. Not a recurrence years later but a totally different Cancer. Did this make round #2 easier? I think it did. My first time I reached Embrace after a few months mostly because I was 27 and just starting out. The next time I skipped the bad steps and Embraced Life because I had done it before and survived 40 years.

     The medicals I interact with are pleased with my attitude and have stated that attitude matters almost as much as the treatments they prescribe. Positive attitude makes a difference. 

     What I am suggesting is for the newly diagnosed to come to Accept their Cancer as part of their lives. Hard to do? Absolutely!

Will it make a difference in living your life? Yes it will.

     Your Caregivers, family, and friends will be supportive and there for you either way.

But a positive attitude will help make it easier.

This is one of those things that I bet many of you do not even think about. 

     You go to a doctor for a routine exam or maybe a problem expecting good news or information on how to fix the problem. If related to a problem you just want to know what will be done, when it will be done, and how long until you are fixed. 

In, out, done!

     That works OK I guess for some but please recognize that it leaves a whole lot of openings for issues. Treatments might have side effects that possibly could be avoided or at the least understood and managed. There might even be long lasting limitations that change your life or ability to do things you like/love. In some instances there could be the possibility that the treatment might not fix the problem or even make it worse.

     From the first visit with any doctor they do an exploratory talk with you. How are you? What do you do in your daily life? Work? Hobbies? Travel? Then what seems to be the problem?

    Many will respond to How are you with what the problem is and not give the doctor the opportunity to understand you as a person, an individual with a problem. They won’t know how the problem affects your life other than their training and experience dictates. This also involves the treatments they could offer.

     There are many that this is the way they interact with the medical profession. Just like how we interact with a car mechanic. Take car for repair, get it fixed, drive away, problem gone.

In, out, done!

     With the medical profession is that OK? For a few reasons I say NO!

     Lets look at this another way, when you are working on a task at your home and need some help you might ask a friend to help you. Why a friend and not someone just walking down the street? Well you know them, how they think, how they react, what their experience & background is. Simply put you are comfortable with them. And they know you and how you think and are comfortable with you in return.

     Your doctors need to know you as a person, an individual with a life history and a unique personality in order to assess you correctly. They need to understand how your problem affects you and then choose the treatments that fit both you and your problem. Side effects, reactions to those effects will impact your living. These all weigh in on the choosing the medical actions. Sometimes there are only two choices: only one treatment or no treatment at all. If you are comfortable with your doctor then you will be an informed patient and choose with an understanding of outcomes.

     Now, how do you get comfortable with your doctors and support staff? Follow their lead and ask them the same questions they ask you, other than the problem part. Ask in the way they do, like an interview, seeking to understand them. Doctors are people, individuals, like you. If they are surprised at your asking or seem put off then maybe they are not who you could be comfortable with. Your choice.      

     Doctors are in the profession to help people, mostly, and they are just like the rest of us. We all like talking about ourselves, to a point. During the first visit and exam the doctor will be able to interact longer than usual.

     Final thing to note is you need to interact with all you meet the same way, word spreads among the staff. Your first nurse will note your openness, the NP or PA will make sure the doctor understands where you are coming from. They are a team working to help you and they do talk about the patient interactions and remember your way of interacting with them.

     Open, honest, and real communication always results in a better outcome.

You need to be comfortable with your doctor!

     What can I say, my temporary disability is just that – temporary.

     Or so it might seem.

     My hand surgery was very successful. Thumb fully fixed, scar tissue not a problem. Better than even 3 or 4 years ago when I was a young 69 year old struggling with Cancer.

     But life has a way of hitting us with an unexpected path to travel.

     Ok, the path I have been forced to follow is off the wall big time.

     Now not life threatening but more like life altering. I have developed a condition that causes the ring finger and little finger to curl closed and not open to lay flat.

Called Dupuytren’s Syndrome.

     The joy of knowing that it could progress slowly, be treated, but not cured. Nothing new but potentially limiting the use of my left hand as I grow even older into my 80’s, 90’s or 100’s. Thinking long term is what I do.

     Seeing my hand doctor soon to understand our options. Wonderful?

     So for now I have different limits. Discomfort bordering on pain in those fingers. Using a cane is interesting. Power tools too. But doable.

     So his potential Disability offers Ability of another kind. This might be an extension of my normal disposition towards living. Make the best of every situation.

     So how to work with this? Work with my doctors, do what they suggest, physical therapy, and try new things. But mostly do not let it stop me from living my life.

     I can use either hand for tools and if I push my left hand I can still lay it flat on a table wil little discomfort, no pain.

     Have the hand doctor exam in two days and will know what’s up then.

ps; if you do some research on dupuytren’s you will see that it affects, maybe, some other body parts.  

     Each and every one of us, when we first hear the words “You have Cancer” go into a place that is lonely and can never be truly explained. Those of us that have been told that rarely if ever talk about it.

     Oh sure some open up some to our love partners. Wives, husbands, significant others. 

     Even with those we love by our side it is scary to dig deep and share. Partly because of the fear of bearing the pain of our fears and partly because of not wanting to scare our loved ones. Maybe for fear that they won’t be able to bear our pain or hurt them.

      Grappling with our own thoughts is hard even if we don’t recognize how hard it is.

     The first time I was told “You have Cancer” it was with the young man’s Cancer at the age of 27. Double hit actually.

Testicular Cancer and in the midst of starting my civilian life, finishing college, and getting ready to marry. Double hits because of the sexual change of my life and the actual Cancer diagnosis changes your view of the future.

     Both were going to change many things in my life and I ignored some. Young and invincible was the reason I chose to ignore.

     Then two years later my mother was given the Cancer diagnosis and then passed after a hard and destructive time with this disease. Ugly would describe it accurately.

     Fast forward 40 years to my second hearing the words “You have Cancer” and my life didn’t stop or hit me as hard. Yes on the usual “Oh Crap” and thoughts of what next but seemed like “Here we go again”. Unexpected, unknown, and familiar at the same time.

     However even this time I didn’t open up on my deepest innermost thoughts. Reflection on one’s mortality, Death Salience, is not a comfortable thought process.

     I did try to express my thoughts and fears by putting them to print and publishing them. Helped me but still did not reach the fullness of my thoughts. Even now I cannot express these thoughts. Scary thoughts are not comfortable or easy. 

     So what do we need? Support! Support from Doctors, all other medical professionals, friends, and family. Family the most.

     Our doctors can support in many ways other than just treatments. The same goes for Nurse Practitioners, Physician Assistants, nurses, and technicians. All staff try to support but many Cancer patients ignore this. They just need to recognize it is needed, ask for it and let it happen. 

     One big way to support is to listen, quietly listen. Quietly because it gives the Cancer patient space to fill in the silence.

     We Cancer patients are simple beings but inside are very complex. Even another Cancer Patient cannot understand fully another’s innermost thoughts. It is an individual’s struggle.

     One thing that makes it all easier is to have Family and Friends for support. 

     Friends offer support often by checking in, asking and listening.

     Some, never ask, never show signs of interest, caring or concern. Maybe out of their own fear. Maybe because of not knowing what to say. Possibly because they find it easier to ignore and it will go away..

     To the Cancer patient it simply feels like not caring.

     That is isolation of a different type than that of being all alone. This isolation is when surrounded by  loved ones, friends, neighbors, and many others.

But there some points to make and this first has been told to me:

¨Get over it; you can’t change it¨

My take is: 

Sometimes positive attitudes are founded in negative surroundings. 

We can grow because of the hurting.

This time of year many in our world celebrate different things. You the reader have your celebrations. We all at some point celebrate a New Year. Different ways to celebrate and different times but a New Year will be upon us at some point.

This year many of us cannot celebrate as in the past. Health restrictions, travel restrictions, and maybe the passing of family members effect us greatly. The latter is permanent while the rest, hopefully, will not be with us in 12 months.

I grieve for those that have lost family. It hurts and leaves a hole that never truly is filled or covered.

Also I grieve for the lost time with family, fiends, and coworkers. The ability to touch or hug is an indescribable hurt that leaves us with a loss of personal. This loss is intensified by the wearing of the protective mask and required spacing plus the reduced density of people in buildings. We in many ways are reduced to being a single entity without others.

On the positive side however, family we live with and friends that are as close as family have become our whole world. With those that have this supportive circle we have become closer and involved.

Simply put each and every one of us has seen a shrinking of our world and a depersonalization of our lives. There are those that struggle with this and some cannot cope with this change. Help those in need and offer a kind understanding voice but most of all listen to them.

Listening is a difficult skill that rarely is taught and never tested. But it is very important specially now when many have little left but their voice.

I wish all a happy celebration of that which means the most to you and wish for us all a better new year.

 This time of year is usually Happy, Exciting, Energizing, and Joyful.

     This year however seems to be limited to Happy.

Exciting and Joyful have been driven down by covid. Joyful is at best low key and for many out the window.

      Energizing is taking our energy to adapt to the restrictions placed on all of us. Masks, separation space, and limits on where we can go plus things we can do.

     There are disappointments and the loss of personal contact. Masks hide who we are, our smiles and frowns. 

     Separation just adds to the loss of the personal. To see a crowd is to see a smaller number of people and all are mere shadows of individuals given their masks.

     The masks do several things: keep us safe, hide our emotions, muffle voices, and take away the individuals personality.  The latter by not showing the reactions to the surroundings and the things going on.  Facial language is missing.

     In addition to the masks we are to be 6’ apart and have no body contact.  No handshakes or hugs. No pat on the back or encouraging nudge. Personal contact is an important part of our lives. 

     So this year the holidays will be missing the regular Joy of hugs, watching the  lighting up of faces, and personal touch.

     Toss in the loss of public celebrations with large crowds, the throng of shoppers in malls and stores, and closed businesses and restaurants.

     All this means that family and close friends are ever more important.

Merry Christmas and A Hppy New Year!

So now the weather has turned rotten, pandemic news, and political views have also. Seems like the triple whammy of pressure to depress. And if you add in personal health it can be depressing for sure.

In my case a positive attitude compresses the depression into a low speed bump taken at 20 mph. Just enough to notice but not enough to be concerned with.

Exactly how do I do this? I worry about what I can do something about!

Cannot do anything about the weather other than stay inside or endure it if have to go out.

Pandemic? Again cannot do anything about it other that stay inside or do as directed is going out. Little choice since at risk.

Political? Cannot do anything about it so stopped reading, listening, and watching long ago. Recently stopped talking too. Feel better since my voice only effects local politics.

My advice is to stay calm and weather the storms as you need to. Be active, informed, and prepared; weather, pandemic, and political winds. Be aware of how these can/will effect you so you can act accordingly.

As they say in Jamaica: Relax, Be Happy. To do otherwise can hurt.

Well, I am using my left hand much and today told my PT tech as much and she said ¨Why am I not surprised?¨

On a few occasions I found myself absently using my left hand to do some routing things. Brushed my teeth, picked up a drink cup, opened a door, and buttoned one button. The latter was not comfortable and I vowed to not do that again for a bit.

I challenge all to track what they do for a day and which hand the use. You might be surprised. Even in this right handed world the left hand does get used.

One example is closing the driver side door after you get in. Another might be flushing your home toilet. Please comment on your findings. Will be interesting to compare notes.

Anther thing is to try common motions with just one hand. Button shirts/blouses. Zipper your pants or the simple act of brushing your teeth.